Cheap flights...

We've all been there.  The feeling of excitement as a splash of colour accompanies an excited television advertisement for a low-cost airline.  "All flights less than twenty dollars!  (Sale ends in 3 minutes)"


For me, the purchase of airline tickets is comparable to the purchase of shoes by a kept housewife.  The only difference between the two is that sadly, I don't have a sugar-daddy to foot the bill.  The promise of adventures to come are my motivation for staying employed.  Currently, I have two interstate weekends booked, all the result of 'too-good-to-resist' airline sales.  I wouldn't have it any other way.


Nowadays, there are more flight choices than I can count.  Airlines of the world have sprung up, luxurious seats that fully recline, personal televisions, massaging chairs and even an on-board shower spa offered with a first-class ticket on Emirates.


At the other end of the scale are the airlines that I am far more familiar with.  These are the brands that frequent the discussion forums, passengers disgusted with reliability, punctuality, service and catering.  These are the bone-shakers that feel as if they have been sellotaped together and piloted by a monkey on LSD.  These are the airlines that charge a base price so low it "can't be true!", then upon booking you realise it isn't: credit card fees, booking fees, check-in fees and baggage fees all combine to slightly more than the GDP of Greece (too soon?). 


The phenomenon of low-cost airlines was described rather poetically by Fascinating Aida (kindly pointed out to me by my favourite Auntie Jen)

Having spent a bit of time travelling through Europe on the pride of Irish air service, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to realise the carrier of focus, Ryanair.  Headed up by a feisty Irishman named Michael O'Leary, there is a wide range of flights available, however travelling with Ryanair leaves a lot to be desired.  In fact, the Business Insider in 2010 found Ryanair to be the winner of the Worst Airline award: http://www.businessinsider.com/worst-airlines-in-the-world-2010-12#1-ryanair-10


The booking process when considering Ryanair for a European getaway is as follows:


1. Jump on the website www.ryanair.com and determine your destination of choice.  This will usually be accompanied by gasps of surprise at how cheap they are!
2.  Tell all your friends and gather some travel buddies.  Spend a considerable amount of time discussing what you will spend your time doing while away, and may or may not encompass the contacting of relatives to arrange accommodation if possible.
3.  Excitement is paramount, so get back on the computer to book the flight!  This is an enormous process in itself:


Step 1: The super-cheap price is not available on the day you have arranged to return, so you shrug your shoulders and pay a few extra dollars for the flight on the correct day.


Step 2: You don't have a European passport, so you pay an extra 10 pounds for airport check-in.  Each way.  But it's ok, the base flight was only 15 pound to start with, right?!


Step 3: You realise that the airports servicing Ryanair flights are a tad further out from the city than you realise.  Ok, a lot further out.  But Ryanair is an enterprising company and there is a shuttle to take you the two hours to the city for only 30 pounds each way.  Bargain!


Step 4: You decline priority boarding, a rental car, a donation to charity, carbon offset, hotel accommodation and checked baggage (all of which incur substantial fees), and proceed to the final step.  By this time, the original 30 pound return flight is nearly 100 pounds and it's not even booked yet!  But you've already arranged it with all your friends, and you bought that bikini last week in the hope of a chance to use it...


Step 5: Handing over your credit card details, the website enthusiastically bleats the 10 pound (per flight) credit card charge.  At this point, you cross yourself, press the 'Purchase' button, and hope your credit card has enough available funds to cover it.  You've come too far to back out now...


Easy, huh?!




But all the steps I've described above pale in comparison to the actual flight.  The morning of departure, you wake up promptly at 2am, just in time to catch a 2 hour bus to the middle-of-nowhere airport that Ryanair inevitably operates out of.  You finish cramming 10 days of luggage into a carry-on bag, as you have skipped the checked baggage to save money.  The alternative to the stupendously early wake-up is to sleep at the airport.  I've done this a number of times, and if I can impart but one piece of advice it is to take earplugs and an eye mask.  You'll need them.


Arriving at the airport, the surly check-in clerk weighs and measures your carry-on bag.  "Oh dear, it appears to be 1.75892 kg over the weight limit.  I'm afraid you're going to have to throw away some possessions".  Leaving the queue, you adorn yourself with every available garment and return to the desk looking like an inflated marshmallow.  The bag is now within the allowed limit, and you receive a hand-written boarding pass.  Oh, and did I mention that all your duty-free purchases must also fit into the carry-on bag, without exceeding the weight/size limits!


Ryanair considering charging for the use of the toilets.  I personally would rather wet myself than pay a pound for a wee in a 2 square foot cupboard.


Arriving at the "destination", a fanfare blasts throughout the cabin and proclaims loudly that Ryanair is the most punctual airline in Europe.  This I assume, is because they forgo pesky additions to the aircraft such as emergency fuel and life jackets...Disembarking, you realise that you are in fact in the middle of nowhere (and usually in the middle of the night).  But fear not, the Ryanair shuttle will have you amongst civilisation in a jiffy!  (Or in approximately 2.5 hours).


Despite all the flaws of flying with such an enigmatic airline, Ryanair has allowed me to see much of the world for a relatively low price.  It is a great friend of every student in Europe, and should I find myself in need of a quick weekend away on the continent, I would not hesitate to book on the blue and yellow bird again.  What could possibly go wrong?!




Blue skies,


Ez