Horoscope 11 - Virgo

And so we come to Virgo...the sign of the virgin.  Since I have a hard time believing that anybody on my Facebook friends list is pure of heart and saying yes to abstinence, I will put this excerpt from Urban Dictionary to remind you all of the meaning of virgin.  The postings are numerous:




1. virgin
n. Person who has not yet had sex. Largely believed to be mythological.




2. virgin

1. A person who has not yet engaged in sex because they are waiting for true love.
2. A person who has not yet engaged in sex because they are so socially crippled that whenever they are around the opposite sex they begin to hiss and fart uncontrollably. 

1. I am a virgin because I'm waiting for my true love before I have sex! I also believe in unicorns.
2. I am NOT a virgin! Does cyber-sex count? 

3. virgin (American definition)

1) In North Carolina, any girl who can outrun her brothers. 2) In Alabama, an extinct species thought to have lived until the mid-19th century.

Look, there's Becky Poteat, North Carolina's high school record holder in the women's high hurdles. She's the only virgin in the county.

There's more, but I won't insult your intelligence...the picture above is perhaps the most famous virgin of all time, and fairly applicable to the current season; the Virgin Mary.  Actually, the picture above is a billboard at St. Matthew-in-the-city Church in Auckland, NZ.  Their rationale behind the image is to illustrate that Christmas is actually a symbolic time of hardship and that Mary was probably not over the moon when she found out that she was pregnant (without even getting laid, I might add!), as she was unmarried, young and poor.


But enough of my garble, it holds little relevance to the zodiac sign of Virgo and the life meaning for those born between August 23rd and September 22nd.  For this, keep reading:

• Don't have sex.  That's the one activity that virgins don't engage in.
• Go for an early-morning stroll down the nearest beach.  It sets you up for a peaceful day.
• Don't wash your red shirt with all your other clothes this weekend, it still leaks dye.
• Going on a first date but short of cash?  If you pick flowers from the Botanical Gardens between 5:00-6:00am, the groundskeepers won't see you.  And she'll appreciate your romantic side.
• Casting a fishing rod into the goldfish ponds at aforementioned gardens is generally frowned upon, however in times of hardship can be a lifesaver.  The same rules apply as above.
• Try something new in January.  Learn to skateboard or take an art class.
• Next time you go shopping, pay a visit to the local second-hand store.  You'll find a good selection and come home with cash to spare.
• Watch a few documentaries this holiday season.  They can be good value.
• If you drink spirits on Christmas Day, you'll be the embarrassingly intoxicated relative.  Stick to cider or beer.
• Your sunscreen has expired.  Replace it unless you have a year's supply of aloe vera.
• The next unknown phone call you get will be a telemarketer.  Answer it at your peril.
• There's a $10 note blowing down the street outside your house.  
• Back up your photos.  Your computer hard drive is not completely trustworthy.
• Keep a spare pair of shoes in your office/car/bag.  The ones you are wearing are not far from falling apart.
• Crayons are just as fun now as when you were 5.  Buy yourself a set and get creative!
• Your other half has will forget to take their lunch to work next Wednesday.  Try meeting up and going on a surprise mid-week date.
• If you want a bit of spare pocket-change, try becoming a door-to-door carol-singer.  Even if you're terrible, they might pay you to go away...
• Instead of spending money on drinks this weekend, make some cocktails at home.  Next week is going to be expensive.
• Hugs are a good Christmas present.  Start giving some out.
• Tis the weather to go skydiving...
• Tomorrow, you're going to drop a drawing pin at the same time as your phone rings.  Remember to pick it up or you'll stand on it.
• Don't drive to the airport in the first two weeks of January.  There will be a traffic jam caused by a crash on the way there and it will be the most frustrating drive of your life.
• Use newspaper instead of wrapping paper.  Environment first...
• Your favourite movie from when you were a kid will be on TV in the next month.  Don't watch it or you'll find out how terrible it is and ruin your entire childhood.
• The internet is going to crash on Saturday evening, but will fix itself by Monday.  Hold off on calling the provider or you'll spend over 3 hours on the phone only to be told they can't help you.
• Go for a holiday this month, even if it's only a sneaky day-trip.  

Blue skies,

-E