Horoscope 9 - Cancer

Horoscope 9 arrives in the form of a crab.  A crab called Cancer, to be precise.  Applicable to the month between June 21st and July 22nd, read on for the predictions for all the Cancerians...

• Wear plenty of sunscreen, the beach is hot.
• Try walking forwards instead of scuttling sideways - it is far more efficient as a mode of transportation.
• Eat some muesli...it's cheap, fibrous and a little bit crunchy.
• Your camera is about to run out of batteries.  Charge it before you take it out to the next function.
• Go for a walk during your lunchbreak tomorrow.  It will make the afternoon seem less arduous.
• There's a mosquito on your ankle.  Swat it, quick!
• Take some old clothes to a charity shop.  It's a good time of year to help people out.
• The milk in your fridge is going off.  Try black coffee today.
• Make a New Year resolution that you can stick to.  Maybe one like 'I will drink a maximum of 4 standard drinks per day from January 16th to January 17th'.  Easy!
• The children behind you in the supermarket queue next week still believe in Santa.  Don't ruin it for them.
• A cup of tea is always a good idea.
• Your other half hasn't screwed the lid on the jam properly.  Pick it up by the base.
• There's an old camera film in your 'stuff' drawer.  It's not empty, however your flatmates have used it to take photos of their bare arses.  Develop it at your own peril.
• It's the thought that counts.  Thought is also a lot cheaper than material gifts this Christmas...
• It would be a good idea to start carrying a sprig of mistletoe with you at all times if you're currently single.  It's a simple way to snag that good looker on the train or play a spot of tonsil-hockey on the spur of the moment.  And it spreads festive cheer!
• Take your iPod out of your pocket before you go to the loo.  Otherwise it's heading for a dip.
• Buy a $5 instant scratchie next week.  It'll be a winner.
• Your current phone bill has been put into the neighbour's letterbox by mistake.  Go for a scrummage (unless you think there's a chance they mightn't notice and pay it).
• Work is going to be very quiet for the next 3 weeks.  Time to brush up on your solitaire skills...
• The weather this weekend will be perfect for, say, jumping out of a plane.  
• You've got $40 more in your wallet than you thought you had.  Treat yourself today.
• Save water this season.  Shower with a friend.

Nearly through the zodiac, and then the 'life in general' writing will re-commence.  Starting first with our upcoming trip to NZ for Christmas/New Year.  The first blog for that trip is likely to be entitled "Parachute vs. Clothes - the dilemma of the travelling skydiver with no excess baggage allowance".

Blue skies,

-E