Take two of predicting the future is nigh for those of you born between the 22nd November and 21st December. For this horoscope (and subsequent ones), I have decided to go with a bullet point format. Just to mix it up a little.
Behold:
- It will rain tomorrow. Torrentially.
- One of your neighbours is dealing drugs. Don a balaclava and a pair of combat boots and go and find out which one - the resulting police reward will spell your fortune.
- You're feeling sleepy, don't worry about going to work tomorrow.
- Next time you feel a sneeze coming on, grab a tissue. If you don't the consequences will be embarrassing.
- Petrol prices are going to be higher than you expect this weekend (how can you even doubt my abilities with these kinds of predictions?!).
- Look out the window at 9.30pm next Wednesday night and you will see your neighbour talking to themselves.
- Your next coffee will taste like liquid sunshine
- You will have a disagreement with your significant other in December about whether cashmere is better than merino.
- Buy some sturdier swimwear before your next trip to the beach. Don't ask why, just do it, for the sake of us all...
- You will have a yearning to go overseas next April. Act on it.
- Don't offend any restaurant wait staff in January. If you do, they will scrape the soles of their shoes into your meal.
- Get a haircut within the next month and you will get lots of comments about your physique.
- Use the wrist strap on the Wii controller or your next game of golf will result in the need for a new television.
- Go skydiving this summer, you deserve it.
- That girl you saw in the supermarket last week? Yes, she's single. She shops every second Tuesday and her number is 0421 178 963. Give her a call and ask her out.
- You can handle 14 standard drinks, and not a single one more.
- Pluto is in your realm this summer. Pity it's not a planet any more.
That should be enough to keep you going, I never realised I'd be so in touch with the universe.
-E
No comments:
Post a Comment