I have approached the fifth saga of my horoscope journey with some apprehension, as it covers those born between February 19th - March 20th - a timeframe encapsulating my own birthday on March 4th. Since there are only 12 types of people in the world and the life and trials of all my fellow pisceans should mirror my own, I should have nothing to worry about, right? This could be my most accurate prediction yet!
Pisces is obviously a water sign. The only other thing I know about it is that it resembles two fish having a 69-er. The initial piece of advice I have for the fish-people is don't be greedy. The silver worm has a hook through it and your day will be ruined if you eat it.
So you're a pisces? Your fate awaits you...
- Change your email password or it will get hacked in January. This in turn will make your dear white-haired old grandmother think you are a Viagra salesperson.
- Go for a massage. It will save on a lot of chiropractor fees this summer.
- Get roadside assistance - unless you love sleeping in truckstops.
- Reunite with those you haven't seen for a while this Christmas.
- Don't buy that $1.50 shampoo, it will make your head itch.
- Get up lazybones! Going to the gym in the mornings will make you 74% more energised the rest of the time.
- If you get a worrying health report, get a second opinion.
- Don't go to the beach next weekend, it's going to rain.
- Take a friend for a skydive, it will change their life.
- Next year there will be a chance to fulfil a huge number of once-in-a-lifetime dreams. Take it at any cost.
- You need to clean out the wardrobe, throw away at least half of it because you know you never wear it.
- Kick a bad habit in February, it will be easier than you think.
- That top you've been looking for? Behind the washing machine.
- Write letters to 3 people you haven't heard from in a while.
- Cheeseburgers don't taste as good as you remember when you were 7. Give the $3 to charity instead.
- Your newest pair of pants has a hole in the bum.
- Grow some herbs this December. No serial killer was ever caught tending to a garden.
- A fool and their money are soon parted. A job offer that sounds unrealistic is not going to make you happy.
- Ask for her number, she wants you to.
- Instead of dinner and a movie date next month, go for a weekend kayak trip.
- Have a waterfight, it's just as fun as it used to be. And the yellow supersoaker will bode you well.
- Your luggage will be lost on your next flight - the way to combat this is to not wear any clothes while you're away, thus removing the need for a suitcase.
- The wine in the fridge has gone off. Drinking it will give you the most toxic hangover you've ever experienced.
-E
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