And so I find myself writing about the people born at the end (and the start) of the year. The people who were planned and created as Christmas presents and a reminder of fresh beginnings, Those born between January 20th and February 18th. These people are the polar opposite of course to those who are the accidental result of crazed, drunken, back-of-the-old-Holden fumblings around the same time of the year, and who are subsequently born around September/October.
Aquarius is defined by Urban Dictionary (a source of awesomeness and amazingly accurate information; paralleled only by Wikipedia in usefulness) as a "water bearer". When I hear this, I automatically think "bucket". However, judging by the images of an Aquarius, a water bearer is in fact the person carrying said article...
Please read on for an account of what to expect if you happen to be one of the lucky few who were planned by your parents:
Aquarian Horoscope:
- If you don't pay your phone bill in February, they won't cut your connection.
- Don't eat the luncheon.
- Take her to see an action movie. She'll pretend she doesn't enjoy it, but it's a well documented fact that action movies are full of biceps bulging out of ripped t-shirts.
- To save money over the Christmas period, stop buying perfume and cologne and simply pay a daily visit to the tester bottles in the department store on the way to work. You'll increase your variety of scents and save money simultaneously!
- Go hiking. As much as you can.
- You're getting a bigger-than-expected tax refund next year.
- You have left half an avocado in the back of your refrigerator. Get an exterminator in to clear it.
- Start attending dance classes. Your friends won't think you're gay and it's a good place to pick up...
- Stop wearing those grey striped tights, they have a hole in the crotch.
- Your lucky number is 48. But it's only lucky if you can eat the same quantity of cupcakes.
- Yes, your neighbours can hear it when you get frisky. Yes, they also know you live alone.
- A cheese grater is not an appropriate exfoliation tool. Stop using the Ped-Egg.
- The second taxi you see tomorrow will pull out in front of you.
- 70% of air crashes occur on landing. A good reason to get out of the plane before it lands.
- Pick it up and blow on it, it's still good!
- It's about time you organised a fancy-dress party with your friends. This would be a good task for December.
- The doorbell will ring at 3.04pm on Sunday. Don't answer it unless you'd enjoy a lengthy discussion about Our Lord.
- Yes, it makes you look chubby.
- Asparagus is an aphrodisiac. It's also on special next week. Just sayin'...
- Pity it makes your wee smell funny.
So that's the insight for the weekend, I hope it brings you many revelations.
Oh, and get in touch with someone far away and tell them that you love them. I know I will be.
-E
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